Posted in Christian living, communication, faith, health and wellness, Life, Love, Marriage, Uncategorized

Love Doesn’t Insist on Its Own Way

Love doesn’t insist on its on way!

What is love? I will tell you what it is not!  It isn’t seeking to be self-satisfied by gaining its own way. You can choose to demand your rights, or you can chose to walk in love which is self-denying! In one translation it says, “Does not keep a record of wrongs done to it!” Ouch!

How many times do we maintain a list of wrongs? It may not appear you are holding on to someone’s “wrongs” until a situation arises and all of a sudden all those previous irritations, wrongs, abuses, offenses come rushing back and enter into the argument or situation. It creeps in making us feel and appear very ugly – as the southerners here say.

Ugly – unpleasantnastydisagreeablealarmingtensechargedseriousgrave; a good word to describe what it looks like to continually insist on our own way! Yet the world tells us we should be seeking to do what makes us happy or satisfies us and our own desires.

This word is contrary to that thought and not easy to fulfill. As a young wife I followed my mother’s example of holding wrongs or pain in until like Vesuvius an explosion would ensue, and all manner of “stuff” would come spewing out!

I followed suit and would retain and retain until finally it would all come out when the toothpaste was squeezed the wrong way! No wonder poor Paul would wonder what he had done. Of course it wasn’t the toothpaste – but it was the last thing on top of all other “wrongs”.

Thankfully the years have taught me not to allow perceived wrongs to fester until a weeping sore oozes out rubbish that is completely unrelated to an incident! Now I communicate what I am feeling without the emotion of anger attached. It is much more painless and usually results in a resolution. It also gives me time to assess.

What exactly am I reacting to? Am I responding to something that has more to do with my own self then the other person really wronging me? Is it really something that needs to be addressed to the other person or something I need to work out between myself and God? Is it something that is best left blowing in the wind?

So as I learn to walk in love I will not insist on my own way or keep a list of wrongs. I can let a lot of useless emotions go or confront in love something without the festering! Only in His Grace!

Until next time

Blessings and Love

Narelle

 

 

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Posted in Christian living, communication, cross cultural living, energy, Life, travel, Uncategorized

Philippines Journey – Communication – Non-communication! Dog poop to bowl???

November 2014

From Poop to Bowl!

Ok! I have lived for quite a few years overseas. I have taught on communication. I thought I had learned some lessons on effective communication but still I struggle with communicating effectively.

You think you have the message transposed across the wavelengths. You check and double check. You restate the information or question just to make sure you all understand each other yet somehow those wires just overlap, get tangled, or even get disconnected, creating tension, frustration, aggression and any other word you can find in a Thesaurus that explains anger….just to be sure I have communicated that effectively!

It’s not that you get angry really, you just want to tear your hair out or in Paul’s case tear out what little hair you have left! I think I am just a bit tired and not feeling well this week so it is wearing me out. Paul has been at it for months and his temper has wavered frequently since I arrived – could I be the reason! We have a Jewish girl here we connect with who has grown more grey hairs than a 27 year old would wish to have.

Well what are some keys to effective cross-cultural communication? Don’t know..next blog!

Just kidding..but really I am not sure I have the answers or any answers in fact, but there would have to be a few keys that are universal and do work to some degree.

  1. Feedback – make sure you have understood each other. Just because they say they know English doesn’t necessarily mean they do. Especially Australian accents and idioms. So Paul make sure you keep them to a minimum! Feedback also isn’t parroting. Say it differently in as many ways as you can possibly think so it cannot be misinterpreted and keep it simple.
  2. Patience – Listen to each other. Say it then repeat, then say it again. Wait until you see that light of recognition go on and then check again because it might be the wrong light bulb. Example: While trying to explain what not to put into compost, to the guy making me some signs, the conversation went something like this.

“No dog poop”

“Poop- what is poop”

“You know poo”

“Poo?” Blank look

“Yes a number 2,” Blank look!

Not being a swearer – the s word didn’t help me.

“Yes from your bowel. You know” me signalling which direction it would emanate.

“OH! Bowl!” he says as some light bulb goes off except he reaches for a plastic bowl discarded in the grass…

“No Bowel!” Says I..

Paul over hearing the prolonged conversation has had enough. He scours the yard and finds a dog poop!

“Oh! Poo…..” Finally the light bulb goes on and embarrassment hits as the young guy gets our meaning. Actually he did a great drawing poop on the sign although not sure others will know what it is.

So make sure the light bulb look is the correct light bulb look. So what was the lesson learned – not sure but it keeps us laughing..maybe that is a key..

Until next time

Farewell, goodbye, so long, bye bye,

Blessings Narelle

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Yes that is the picture of the dog poop we ended up with! What do you think?